The Global Tumor: Scientists Design a Computer Program that “Biologically Profiles” Great White Sharks to Save Surfers from a “Vicious and Unholy” Attack!



Mass, illegal, unwanted and unjustified surveillance is what will ultimately destroy our gloriously viral human organism, isn’t it? No? You like various government and non-government agencies that take a look at all your purchases, every search on the web, every … thing because, “I’m not a nutcase, nothing to hide whatever, etc … .. ?


Well I imagine the ‘man-eating’ great white sharks aren’t on #teamyou.

I imagine they are furious with government and nongovernment interference exactly as you should be with disembowelment and calorie intake exactly as you should be.



Still, we go.

Now imagine that a computer program could help researchers and security officials predict, with some precision, where and when sharks might congregate. Such modeling software could offer an important new early warning system that would let everyone know when and where to look for our fierce visitors.

Currently, a pair of researchers – one from the State Division of Marine Fisheries and the other from the School of Marine Science and Technology at the University of Massachusetts at Dartmouth – are collecting data from of 27 buoys strategically placed on the side of the ocean and the bay of the outer Cape. In addition to performing more traditional tasks, such as tagging channels, these floats recorded both the progress of sharks that were tagged with RFID devices as well as the water temperature.

Authorities want to correlate the temperature data – great white sharks prefer water between 55 degrees and 73 degrees Fahrenheit – with the travel habits of sharks, essentially describing the type of weather that seems most conducive to shark visits. Taking all of this data into account, the researchers hope to design a computer model and warning system that will help local security officials predict the location of sharks off our coasts.

However, it may take some time for this project to produce the desired results. The researchers note that it will take at least two years to get all the necessary information, create a model, and then test that model under real-time conditions. As part of this process, they plan to examine nearly 10 years of temperature data, as well as other environmental markers. Only after analyzing the data will researchers be able to say with some degree of certainty that they can predict sharks’ patterns.

If they are successful, there is a very real potential to attach data capture devices to these same buoys that could provide real-time results and transmit the data to beaches in the area.

The science behind such innovations may be beyond the grasp of many of us, but most of us can recognize the idea behind such computer modeling as a potentially valuable new tool. Combined with a good old-fashioned lifeguard, an increased effort to train lifeguards and beach goers in basic first aid preparedness and a new emphasis on providing our beaches with emergency communication capabilities more reliable and available than they are now, beach visitors can enjoy the feeling of being a little more secure than they would be without such upgrades.

Big Brother is a bastard.


To discuss.

Also, more surfing for at least the next decade.

Or two.

To discuss.


Gordon K. Morehouse